Christmas Wish: Missing Piece

2011-12-24T06:02:00.000-08:00

I wish, I could turn back time.
I wish, I could turn back time.
I wish, I could turn back time.
I wish, I could turn back time.

They said, saying what you wish three times will make it true. For assurance, I said it more than three times because I keep on regretting and I hate it.

"Lalala, Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away ..."

I love this song, really. When near Yuletide season, I keep on singing this song with a bit watermelons in it.

I would like to sing this song to the one I loved the most - who makes me feel alright, who makes me feel worthy, who makes me feel lovable.

Last night, I keep on expecting that this Christmas eve would be the best one. More than that, my birth date is next to Jesus so I thought things would be great. But, I was totally wrong.

Dreaming of a surprise visitation, dreaming of a sweet kiss, dreaming of a dedicated song, dreaming of a date, dreaming of a tour somewhere, dreaming of everything that all girls wanted - all of those dreams, all of those expectations, all of those, everything is drawn in a swamp, never happened.

I guess, too much expectations cause too much pain. I keep on regretting that I've expected too much that I knew will never happen.

This mistake trembles my world up to now that drives my own self crazy. I don't know how to get rid of this sleepy mind. I keep on doing foolishness because of my absent-mindedness. I hate this! "Hey, day dreamer!!!"

For the first time, I saw myself as a stupid person when I look at the mirror, seeing my swelling eyes with a tear of desperation. All I want is this, I want to have a meaningful Christmas but because of my mistake, it was doomed!

What happened?

Someone kissed me unexpectedly and I don't feel any anger towards him. Yep! It seems to be a bit awkward that I don't react that other girls should react. Is this an act of kindness or stupidity? I don't react violently but inside me, I keep on regretting, I WISH I WEREN'T THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

So as a result, that someone is very angry. He leaves me with a deep anger. I think that should be a better prize.

So, for a bottom-note, because of my stupidity, our Christmas is ruined. Even tough I keep on begging for forgiveness, I gained nothing.

Sympathy over me, it is my very first time to celebrate event with a broken heart - an incomplete family and an incomplete heart.

If he only knew everything, I think, he will forgive me. But it is the end.

Holding on to my dreams that one day, everything goes back to its own shape, it seems to be an impossibility.

So this is me, waiting for him if he wants to come back. I think, it is now the time to sing this song to him, "This Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it way ..."

I wish, I could turn back time.
I wish, I could turn back time.
I wish, I could turn back time.

Sobbing, I keep on saying this one expecting that everything goes back to the time that he holds a piece that completes my puzzle.

It's Christmas and I don't know how to be happy without you.

sorry for my grammar.

the me story

Christmas Wish: Missing Piece